There comes a time in everyones life when decisions are made, decisions that change everything. I have been lucky enough to be coming to an end of my working life fairly young in life. Now I will be able to persue my passions and obsessions full time. My desire is to live those crazed moments of complete sexual abandon and obsession that I have only been able to experience very occassionaly in my past, to hungering, searching and achieving them 100 percent of my time. I am HIV neg although there have been several times when I could have been infected I was not. Now I don't care, it will be a relief to finally be POZ like 99% of the people I need and hunger to spend my time with. I WANT to be POZ so that I can go on with my life now.

I crave to have my guts filled with cum, piss, chem piss. cocks, fists and other things only fantasized about.This is not something I merely want, I NEED it in order to be me. I cannot survive not having these things. I don't want to live without them.

I want to wake up mornings, not knowing where I am , men around me and that smell of heavy perverted sex and drugs in the air. I want to wake up and feel my insides gurgle from the fluids inside me. I want to feel my hole twitch and feel the soreness of overwork. I want to spend days having sex, no sleep, constant pleasure, bath houses where I know no one at all and am intimate with anyone who wants me.I want it all, private parties with uninhibited sexually insane men who are willing to do anything for pleasure, I want to be with people like me. I know with some of you it is mere fantasy but for others like me ..... it is what you MUST have, the way you MUST live for whatever time you have left. 

The consequences are totally worth the feelings we are able to attain. There is no other way. Am I sick and twisted? Does the world revile me because of my needs and addictions? Almost certainly ....BUT, I have no choice. I will satiate my needs. I will live all my fantasies. I will cry out with the pleasures that my body and mind will give me .... and then one day I will die just like everyone else. But I will be able to know I have done and felt everything I wanted to.